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President Jordan Vexx
                               ("You cant hide your lyin eyes, and your smile is a thin
                               disguise. I thought by now, you'd realize there aint no
                               way to hide your lyin eyes." - Eagles)
                               AIM: RmgdnX or Myth and Rumor ... 3/31/2001
                               2:25:36 PM #6829637

                               *Alot of boxes arrived today from Alaska. I was
                               actually surprised to see them. But theyre from my old
                               house. I suppose Morgan thought Id want them. I
                               gave the house to her and her new husband as a
                               wedding gift, and shes going through the rennovation
                               process. Most of the boxes are nothing but photo
                               albums. I inherited them from my mother when she
                               passed away almost thirty years ago. Four massive
                               volumes were nothing but baby pictures, Randall, mine
and actually two for CJ. Two because Sarah and I sorta went camera crazy whenever we'd steal him to
go off somewhere. We did everything we could to make him feel special. Especially considering his health
as a child. He really didnt need a Make-A-Wish Foundation, between us, Sarah and I did everything to
make his wishes come true.*

*Glancing through one book, its his first, from birth until about five. Most taken by my mother. She was a
camera nut. She was good to him until he became a teenager, then she saw too much of me in him, I
think, and it scared her. She never understood that he was far too gentle to become like me. He had short
stringy hair for the first of his life, until he was older. When leukemia first went into remission he had to
grow it all back. The second time he didnt lose all of it, and the third time was an odd mess. He never had
a relapse after the third time, and he finished growing to be on tough little bastard. He took risks even I
wouldnt take, when it came to animals. Rodeo was his life, but he probably should have gone into wildlife
preservation, the way he fought with some folks, or headed up the ASPCA, kid would get downright
dirty if you angered him by abusing an animal. Course, he never raised his voice, or struck in anger. He
didnt have to. Animals responded to him easily, and willingly. As if he were their god or something.*

President Jordan Vexx
                               ("You cant hide your lyin eyes, and your smile is a thin
                               disguise. I thought by now, you'd realize there aint no
                               way to hide your lyin eyes." - Eagles)
                               AIM: RmgdnX or Myth and Rumor ... 3/31/2001
                               2:36:53 PM #6829810

                               *There's Stella, nothing but a kid herself. We all were.
                               She had those big green eyes, and always looked like
                               someone had just jumped out of a closet and yelled
                               BOO at her. Wait, that was cruel, considering thats
                               almost exactly how her husband got killed, and she
                               was hospitalized for months following. Not two years
                               after I met them too. Didnt know we were family. Just
                               good friends. How fortunate that we ended up so
                               close as cousins. She loved that boy, CJ. She still
does. I guess its because she met him so shortly after her first miscarriage, and boy he sure did let her
take care of him. She and Jack took him to Europe to Schattenhaus. He loved the dogs and horses there.
And her family was good to him to. It was impossible NOT to love CJ. He never once thought about
himself exclusively. Never selfish. How did I get so lucky to have such a boy? Stopping I close the book
and sigh with regret. Ive been such a bastard animal.*

*Putting the book aside, I head to the nursery. He wouldnt hurt these kids as much as I wouldnt. I saw
how he took care of them when Kes first disappeared. He'd been a father to his own children as much as
he could. Those around him havent suffered from any attacks of anger. So why did I shut him out?
Because I was concerned that the best part of him was gone. The part I cherished most, the genteel
nature of him was wiped away by the choice I had made for him. Taking away his innocence, and
gentleness so that he could live.

But did he lose it? I dont know, I didnt give him the chance to show me. He had been confused when
he'd attacked me. And he didnt so much as he protected himself. That night was tense, and he'd been
through so much. Can I stand here, staring at his brother and sister, in all their innocence, and gentleness
and blame him for what happened, or even think he'd do it again?*

*Lifting Sean, and looking in his coal black eyes, he makes sounds, little greetings, his familiarity and
comfort with me shines through his thoughts. Making me feel at home. So exactly what have I taken away
from Christopher? His own familiarity and comfort? He's lost so much in Chantal already. Ill go visit later.
See if he'll let me apologize.*